Full Pattern by Julia Freeman

The act of painting then can be understood as something akin to hypnosis, whereby facets of the unconscious mind come to settle on the surface of the composition in the service of the gaze.  Lacan

“Repetition may yield pleasure, but can also be a defense mechanism, an attempt to circumvent the return of repressed desires and unfulfilled wishes, which may percolate to the brink of consciousness in dreams, jokes and parapraxis.   Freud

Quilts hold together a symbolic field but you only have this fragment, and nothing around it.  It’s a universe of frozen moments.  No Named Woman that Made Quilts

While in Wyoming at the Jentel Residency, I questioned my relationship to the landscape and my surroundings because I was using the color red.  In contrast, the landscape in Wyoming is cool periwinkles and bright blue skies.  One day I was sitting and looking at the snow as the sun started to drop.  With an intense gaze, I saw the snow crystals change from yellow, to green, to blue, purple and finally red.  There was red sparkling everywhere. 

I had written a quote to Steven earlier by Borge “Death is the great river that flows into the sea.”  I didn’t know why I had written this quote and actually didn’t send the letter until two weeks later when the red snow appeared.  As an artist, you work and work and wait and wait for all the connections to happen in front of you.  I realized that snow is the beginning of the river of death that eventually flows into the sea.  Snow is the beginning, which is also connected to the end.

These quilts became a lesson in the repetition of rebirth.  Losing oneself, gaining it back, and then questioning the variations between.  In this process of creating and destroying old patterns to form new ones, I also realized that I can never get rid of my shapes.  I was given certain shapes to work with and they can constantly be reworked and reworked.  The reworking and reforming is not the most graceful and can often times be violent, but the ability to melt and reform is endless.

I was trying to constantly fluctuate between Lacan and Freud, never settling on either escape for escape nor escape for truth.  But instead, aligning with the No Named Woman of accepting frozen moments and then letting them melt so that they can form new ones.  Learning through this melting and re-crystallization.  Capturing my shapes in certain patterns and then letting them go, capturing them and not being ashamed, then letting them go again.

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